Friday, 19 December 2008

Fate of the duck


It was three o'clock in the morning when the storm hit the farmyard, Nobody had expected a storm this severe, not in July. But even if old man Tyler had known it was coming, he would probably not have thought to move all of the animals into the strong brick barn,

Doubtless his last thought would have been for the three ducks that lived on the farmhouse pond. He'd never truly liked the ducks, but Mrs. Tyler liked the occasional duck egg, and so he'd bought two ducks and a drake last year, and had moved them in to the old
duck house that his grandfather had made over a hundred years ago.

But tonight would be it's last night, for as the storm whipped around the farmyard, a strong gust of wind hit the side of the duck house, and flipped it over and over until it lay smashed against a wall, its door hanging open at a crazy angle, and feathers swirling up into the night sky.

Tyler stirred in his bed as he heard the crash, but thought that it was a stack of apple crates that had fallen over.. He decided to re-stack them in the barn the next day, and went back to sleep.

Meanwhile, in what was left of the duck house, there was panic and pandemonium. a slow trickle of blood had started dripping from the lower side of the smashed building, at a place that used to be a side wall.

In it's cartwheel across the farmhouse, one of the ducks had been killed, her crimson blood now dripping slowly from her beak, and running down her white breast, staining the feathers a deep pink as the blood ran to the ground.

The other duck was so panicked by the smell of the blood and the storm, that she exploded from the door of the duck house, in a flurry of feathers and straw and took off into the night sky. The wind carried her higher and further than she had ever flown before, and in a moment she was no more than a tiny white speck in the night sky. Another moment, and she was gone.

The drake, also alarmed by the whole incident, flew out of the doorway, quacking loudly against the storm, and for his loss, until all of the other animals on the farm started to wake up and tried to understand what had happened.

When he realized that it was pointless calling for the lost duck, and that he had to find some kind of shelter, the drake went to the barn to find a dry place to stay. Molly, the carthorse stood in the middle of the barn, slowly chewing a mouthful of hay, when he walked in.

She turned to the Drake and asked him what had happened.

In wild and excited quacking, the drake informed her, that his house had been destroyed, and that both of the ducks were now gone, one dead, and one lost to the night. She bent her head down to his, and blew a comforting horse breath towards the young drake.

"What is your name young drake?...What do they call you?"

"I have no real name," the drake replied, I always hoped that the farmer would call me Charles, but he doesn't seem to understand me."

"Then I shall call you Charles," said Molly, as she blew him another comforting breath.

"you may stay with me, here, in the barn. but I have a few rules that you'll have to follow."

"Rules?" Said Charles.

"Well, I think it's simply awful how you talk," Molly said with a slow horse like rumble, "you simply have to learn to nicker and neigh.. I have been doing it for years, and all of the other animals love me, people simply cannot stand the cacophony that you ducks make in the morning."

Charles jumped back, surprised "me? talk.. like you... you mean not like a duck?"

Molly nodded her head in a slow carthorse nod, and drawled a slow "yes" and then went on to explain, that there should be no flapping, (as she found that somehow slightly frightening, although she wouldn't explain why) no quacking, no preening, and no coming back to the barn wet. (Although she was willing to make an exception on this night).

Charles, dejected, asked "But why, if I am a duck should I be like you?"

With surprising annoyance, Molly retorted "Because I have lived here for 10 years, and doing what I do has worked for me. That's why."

Charles resigned himself to the fact that he wouldn't make any progress with Molly, said his goodbyes, and wandered back across the yard in the cold to the small hen house, to talk to the rooster. At least, thought Charles, the rooster knows what it's like to be a bird.

The rooster was far more accommodating, and woke his hens to tell them the news.. They fussed around him and dried him off with their wings, clucking assurances of sympathy.

The rooster, Chanticleer, (although most of the animals called him Colonel C.) waited until Charles was dry, and seated on the edge of one of the nests, before he began.

"You'll be up and out at 4:00 sharp with me for the morning crow, then we'll be collecting grain with the ladies, and keeping lookout for the cat. There is going to be no point in sitting around and feeling sorry for yourself with me young lad."

"Crowing....?" said Charles, his voice trailing off in disbelief.

"Yes, well, I don't expect you to completely master the thing on the first day, but as we are making you welcome here, you'll be taking crowing lessons from me and then we'll be assisting the ladies with their wing stretches and dust baths, and keeping a sharp lookout for the cat."

For emphasis, he ended his reply with a short crow, which made the hens around him sigh with admiration and respect for the old bird.

"Bbb but I'm a duck" pleaded Charles, I just need somewhere to sleep, and then I thought I would head to the pond for some wading and paddling in the mud. The cat doesn't bother me there, and I'll be no trouble here I promise."

Annoyed, the rooster clucked "But you have to pay your way here sonny my lad, we have some compassion for your immediate situation, but it's our way around here, not yours. You'll be crowing at 4:00 and that's final"

Charles realized for the second time that night, that nobody could truly understand his situation, and that charity and compassion came at a price too high for him to pay, for he was a mere duck, not horse nor rooster, and whilst by comparison with both animals, it had been shorter, it was what he had known all of his life.

Certainly he was willing to repay the kindness bestowed upon him by the other animals, yet none was willing to see him as he was.. To recognize that he was just "him" and that using the storm as the chance to change him, was unfair, and would only make him far more miserable than he was already.

Truly at this point he was far more devastated and miserable than any of them had fully understood. None had seemed too interested in even trying to understand. Nobody seemed to understand genuine empathy.. Not even a fellow bird.

So once more, Charles said his farewells, after thanking the hens for thier kind words, and headed out into the cold wet night.

There was one animal that visited the farmhouse who had always been polite.. Had often told Charles that he would be welcome at any time, and had sat and talked to him from the edge of the pond, and had admired his plumage, and had always said that he wished he could swim as well as Charles did.

Charles often felt a little uncomfortable by the attention.. Something in his gaze, and in the intonation of his words had seemed a little too intense, a little too sharp.. But as he walked towards the sprawling patch of brambles at the back of the farmhouse, Charles attributed that attentiveness to sincerity, to a genuine desire to help, to become his freind.

In fact, he thought, as he wandered into the brambles, I should have come here first.. At least he will accept me as I am, unconditionally, and will understand the pain I am in.

A step or two later and he noticed a white feather on the ground in front of him. It was colored with a deep pink, as if ..... He realized that it had come from the duck who he thought had died...

His heart skipped for joy in his chest, he realized that she must have simply been wounded, and had decided to come here for shelter. He quacked again and again at his relief and then quacked a happy greeting to his old freind, and marched happily into the foxhole.

Thursday, 18 December 2008

Be strong and know I am with you



My child so tender, cry not for the broken dreams of today,
As we commend your cherished pet unto the ground,
cry not for the friend who now lies still,
nor for the milk that fell and pooled,
and frustrated you as you tried to drink.

I will be there to be your guide,
to help correct the things I can,
to understand that one so young,
cannot defend from pain so deep.

Today's sorrows will fade yet more will come,
and I promise not to join the lines,
of people who will seek to hurt,
and to deceive on every turn.

As you awaken to this life,
you will be hurt, of that I am sure,
your tender heart will face attack,

And grief, hate and tragedy will become
familiar faces upon life's tempestuous seas.
Yet do not let despair paint ugly scars across that heart,
fight on through the storms to face the light.

For your heart is worth more than gold to me
At every step I shall defend you,
with more strength than I would defend myself.

It matters not if this is today,
with milk and glass upon the floor,
or thirty years from now when
things all turn to dust before your eyes
and threaten to break you, as I know they will.

There is no price that can be put upon,
what you gave to me by just being here,
so as always I swear to never charge,
nor place a condition upon,
what I will always gladly do for you,
I say this from the goodness
and strength of my heart,
that you created when you were born.

So be strong my child, for more tears are to come,
and remember that when you are in your
most joyous moments, or your darkest hour,
you can call my name,

And I will be there.

Thursday, 11 December 2008

Hymns To the Silence


I have always been a great fan of what is undoubtedly
one of the best albums I have ever heard:
"Van Morrison's Hymns to the silence"

And for the past few days, I've been thinking a lot
about silence, stillness, and all that comes with it..
so although it's an AMAZING album, and I love it...

This isn't a tribute to Mr. Morrison's work..
it's a tribute.. or something.. to the silence :)



I cried out across the waters of silence
Searching for a point of reference on the horizon,
A familiar face or shoreline to show me how far I had traveled,

But no wandering soul in that silence called out to me,
And though I strained my eyes to see through
The icy blackness of the silence,

No harbor lights shone to guide me,
I felt nothing underneath me, but rivers of icy black,
That pierced the soles of my feet and chilled my legs to the bone

And above me, that same dark and cold penetrated my head,
And froze my thoughts in that still dark, silent moment.
I raged against the silence, shouting until my voice was hoarse,

And realized that the silence took my words and dissolved them
Like a single snowflake as it lands on the warm black asphalt
At the beginning of winter, I too was absorbed by the black,
Adsorbed by the silence.

I felt it’s fingers clutch at my remaining thoughts,
Pulling from me every emotion, every concept that was me,
And I struggled to hold on as I stood there..

And then in an instant it was over..
the icy hand of the silence
swept over me like a cloak, and in one movement it
took me down into itself, and I became still..


There was nothing to fight, for as much as I was there before,
I was gone now.. as much as the silence had been waiting before me,
I was now part of it.
Seamlessly moving though a void of eternal dimensions,

Concepts of boundaries that I had cherished and regulated,
Concepts of time, space and reality,
They were all different now,
I was one.. one with the most magnificent..
The most magnificent nothing… and I felt the pure dark energy

The energy of night, the energy of an ethereal entity
Which stretched across the ages..
That touched all, and all touched it..
In that moment, I was no longer searching for the shoreline,
For I touched all shorelines that had ever been,
I had no need for the lights from a single harbor, for I wandered simultaneously along every dock, and I felt the brick and paint of every house..

I touched every heart and mind, every leaf and rock was my home…
I had never felt so much loss of self,
So much destruction of all that I was…

Yet I had never imagined so much power,,
The unstoppable force of an indescribable energy.

A moment, and it was gone.. the cloak had lifted and I stood,
As a young man, under the streetlight,
Not far from my home..

I heard a car horn on the street not far away,
And I felt a surge of relief
That I was here, and now…

Yet I felt greater, a loss for the stillness and sanctity of that moment,
I felt as though I had lost.. I had lost something that
Was part of me, part of my soul..
Part of the silence that is within all of us had gone..

And although I would not have ever imagined
Wishing for the blackness to return…
I turned towards home,
Pushed my hands deep into my pockets to fight the cold

And as I wandered homeward, I sang hymns to the silence.

Scary Future


Today is the first day of the rest of my life..

Cool huh?? INSPIRING…

But then I drift a little, and look back… (and yes, I know that the statement is all about looking forwards)..

I see train wrecks…

Unimaginable apocalyptic catastrophes, most of which I was solely responsible for…

Some were set up for me by circumstance…. But in reality, I’m to blame for most of the crap that I have had to wade through..

My close friends, of which there are really only 2 or 3, know all to well the nastiness and idiocy of my past…

The stuff that marched Bill Clinton from office..?? Please.. Don’t make me laugh… I’d shrug that off like a bad case of fleas…

This is life altering stuff.. The kind that makes you look back on your track record and see a carpet bomb that went off at every turn…

A friend of mine once commented.. “you seem to go through life, moving from one crisis to the next” (and yeah, I hated it, but it seemed true).. Another pal said “if you weren’t living on the edge every day, you couldn’t survive.. It is what keeps you going” (and I hated that also.. but again couldn’t argue..

I see myself now on a precipice… The chance to actually start carving the stone that will make today the rest of my life.. and seeing the monumental drop beneath me that will make all self-created screw ups and mistakes seem trivial..

There are lives at stake here.. and now, not just the lives that I might accidentally brush against in the course of my own stupidity, but lives that depend on me.. If things do not pan out.. if things aren’t suddenly gelled together in front of me in terms of new job, new home, new.. Everything, then it’s a looong way down.. And I truly do not want to fall now..

I set my sights on the future, but I am equally scared of it.. I feel like when Wyle E Coyote runs off the cliff.. Knowing that if he can just snag a few seconds of grace from the gravity Gods, he’ll have won the game.. But equally certain that as it happened before, he’s going to be down in the canyon in a cloud of dust that resembles a miniature Hiroshima blast..

This time there is no safety net to speak of.. This time it’s for life, for real, and for family…

This time, I have to pull not only a job, but a home (and a stable one) out of my ear (or somewhere) and do all of that within 30 days from now, while several monkeys sit and eat peanuts on my back..

I am against all odds…

But maybe that’s how I always survive??

Here’s to hoping that (at least) those monkeys can fly (wouldn’t want to be a monkey killer too!)


Be safe, be well, and be alert (your country needs lerts)